December 3, 2022
  1. Think about what your needs are in a relationship and what you expect from the other person. It’s important that if your needs are not met and your expectations are not met by your partner, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you expect too much.
  2. Practice controlling your emotions. Learn how to manage difficult feelings and how to calm yourself down when a situation is stressful. Don’t let other people’s behaviour be a function of how well and okay you are with yourself.
  3. Don’t let fear of abandonment or rejection stop you from being honest about what’s bothering you. Honesty often makes us vulnerable, but how can we develop real intimacy with anyone if we don’t listen to our own inner needs and signals?
  4. Look out for the “red flags”. Focus on what the other person is like in the present: observe how they behave, what they do, what they say, rather than chasing future hopes.
  5. Don’t try to fix, repair or cure anyone. You may see what kind of person the other person could become, but they have to go through their own journey of improvement.
  6. If you want to understand something better, ask. Communication saves a lot of misunderstandings, and often it is not the other person’s real intentions that make us angry, but the (often extreme) negative stories we create in our own minds.
  7. Make an effort to be emotionally available. Share and express your feelings with the other person, rather than trivialising or suppressing them.
  8. Have a life outside the relationship. Take up your hobbies, play sports, take time for yourself and the people you care about. Don’t let your whole life rest on the pillars of a relationship and learn to enjoy time alone.
  9. Feel free to leave relationships where you feel you have to prove yourself, please the other person and meet their expectations to keep them with you.
  10. Most importantly, take time for self-care and develop a stable and secure emotional relationship with yourself, as this is the only way to get to know yourself better. And if you know yourself better (e.g. your needs, your boundaries, your emotions, your values, etc.), you are more likely to end up in a relationship that is truly harmonious and in which you get what you want and deserve.

This article deals with an important psychological topic without claiming to be exhaustive. If you feel that you need help to take the next steps, feel free to consult a professional!

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