December 3, 2022
Lonely hooded person standing by the lake

Can a person – who has a partner – be lonely? Contradictory as it may seem, being married, in a relationship, and with friends and family can be lonely. 

Being physically close to someone else is no guarantee that you will not feel lonely with them. How can women and men be alone with their feelings, even in a relationship?

What are the signs of loneliness in a partner?

  • No deep topics are discussed, but rather light-hearted topics are brought to the fore and not opened up to each other.
  • There is a feeling of having no one to turn to, of not being able to rely on the other person.
  • You don’t take each other into account, e.g. you don’t coordinate your weekend plans.
  • Lack of attention to each other’s needs.
  • You do not discuss your problems and concerns with each other
  • Lack of effort to solve problems, to discuss.
  • Lack of reciprocity and usually only one party initiates communication
  • Lack of common hobbies, common interests.
  • Communication between you is mostly online and limited to logistics.
  • A clear indication of social loneliness is when there is no intimacy, sexual activity ceases and couples drift apart. Often, however, these couples do not divorce for reasons of having children together or for financial reasons, for example. Although they know and feel that something is not working well, they often sweep the problem under the carpet.

Can our relationships be saved?

It is important for both parties to be open and put energy into the relationship. Without this, unfortunately, the relationship cannot deepen again and the parties cannot move closer together again. 

What can be done?

  • Arrange joint activities! 
  • Express that you are thinking about the other person, that you are listening to him or her and their problems.
  • Intimacy can be enhanced by tuning in to each other
  • Think about what we expect from each other and how realistic our expectations are.