According to the expert, there are basically 3 things that end love in a relationship, but there are solutions to each of them.
In the rosy, hazy, intoxicating first phase of love, it’s so easy to know with every fiber of our being that we’ve finally found the person of our dreams, the love of our lives.
Everything is glittering, everyday life, but especially the other person, is surrounded by a golden glow, and the new relationship couldn’t be more fabulous.
Then, slowly, the daily routine takes over, the time spent with the other person loses its novelty, and it is easy to make the mistake of taking the other person’s presence and small attention for granted.
According to Dr. Jeffrey Bernstein, a psychologist with 30 years of professional experience, most relationships can be traced back to these 3 main causes and thus prevented.
Is love over or can the process be reversed?
Fortunately, if both parties want to restore the previous idyll and are willing to put energy and effort into it, they can probably find their way back to each other.
Seeing a couples therapist and a good dose of self-awareness exercises can help a lot in this process, as two of the key characteristics of emotionally intelligent partners are the ability to empathize and ongoing self-reflection.
If you and your partner can get these 3 love-boosting patterns in your relationship right, you could be one step closer to long-lasting love:
You do not feel valued, respected, or acknowledged by your partner
In the midst of busy weekdays, many couples lose out on small praises, expressions of gratitude or acknowledgment of kind treatment while automatically going about their daily routine.
When respect, attention, and kindness disappear from a relationship, love soon follows. It can help a lot if you organize regular dates for yourselves and show each other from time to time how much the other’s presence means in your life.
You do not deal with toxic thoughts toward your partner
In a long-term, committed relationship, people become more daring to show a side of themselves that they are not so proud of, that they may not think is acceptable or lovable in themselves.
If they feel rejected or criticized by their partner for this vulnerable self-disclosure, they may start to harbor toxic thoughts about the other person out of self-protection.
These include generalizations (the other person either always does the wrong thing or never does what they should), the anticipation of disastrous consequences of the other person’s mistakes, and the belief that they should know what they really want as if they are mind-reading.
While there may be a hint of truth behind these, it is important to stress that magnification is the problem in these cases, and an internal focus on the positive qualities and behavior of the other can help to resolve this problem.
You differ in fundamental ways
Research has shown that couples last longer together when they have similar temperaments, values and the environment they come from. One study, for example, cited similar political views and similar religiosity as the most common bonding factors between two people.
After the initial excitement of love has worn off, many people realize that they do not share the same ideas about the lifestyle they want to lead, and can drift apart.
However, an open and flexible attitude can overcome this problem. It can help if you don’t expect each other to be perfect if you introduce bridge-building compromises between yourselves and if you incorporate hobbies and activities into your daily lives that you both enjoy.
So a little openness towards each other and showing your appreciation can help beautify and warm up your relationship. It’s possible that turning a blind eye to each other’s faults on occasion will make everyone feel better about the relationship.